Bringing Back the Bristle.
Originally Posted on January 9th, 2008:
Conan. Letterman. Gore. Santa. Smith. Spartans.
Beards. Throughout history they symbolized wisdom or leadership. In ancient Egypt, it was a symbol of authority. Growing a beard has occasionally been used as a form of dissent. When thinking of beards, one can conjure mental images of scholars and scientists, authors and philosophers. More recently however, the beard has been associated primarily with poverty, lumberjacks and software programmers. Well no more!
No longer are beards the sole domain of train-hopping hobos, union workers, pseudo-intellectual hippy-wannabe potheads and ZZ Top; they’re making a comeback! Beards for all! Why, even your Jr. High lunchlady’s beard is in style! Beard is a blue-chip stock, catch my drift?
To evaluate the impact that our manly tufts will have on the nation, let’s look at their benefits:
- Saving your clothes from stains by catching food before it lands on your snazzy threads.
- Giving babies something to play with.
- Lowering energy costs by keeping you warm during colder months.
- Protecting against the wind.
- Saving money on expensive facial hair trimmers.
- …
- Profit!
As it is plain to see, a beard wins in any situation. BEARD beats a royal flush. Vote BEARD for Congress! Got BEARD? Viva la barba revolución!