Ode to Commuting
Originally Posted on January 10th, 2008:
Driving like an idiot: it plays in Peoria.
I’m a commuter. I don’t live in Peoria proper, or even the Peoria area. Up until a few months ago, I had lived there all my life. However, I still work in the city which means a lengthy drive in the morning and another in the evening.
Being a lifelong Peorian, I’m more than familiar with the bad driving that plagues the area; from those who attempt to change lanes in a space you’re currently occupying, to those who pace each other across four lanes at 40 mph on the highway. I know you coast through stop signs, Peoria. 
You forget to turn off your brights on busy streets, wait almost until the light turns yellow before pressing on the gas at an intersection and religiously cut people off. Every time you turn or change lanes without using a turn signal, I notice and mutter profanities under my breath.
Even worse, O Peoria drivers, is when you look shocked and dismayed that I’ve honked my horn to alert you that you’re about to plow into me. It never fails to amaze me when you back out of a side-street onto a 40 mph road with oncoming traffic, then thank my life-saving quick reflexes with a grateful middle finger.
The town I’ve moved to has another problem entirely: slow drivers. Slow on the main roads at least. They tend to floor it once they get to my street. That aside, I’ve noticed that most bad driving I’ve come across seems to correlate with my proximity to good ol’ P-town. It never fails. The closer I get, the worse driving becomes. Much of it is dumb stuff, such as hogging the left lane while pacing with a Semi, or gabbing on your phone and generally being a nuisance. It’s not just the congestion either–that’s just a reason for slow drivers to make the rest of us suffer.
Even the police are a part of the act. I remember traffic coming to an abrupt halt, the jerkass behind me almost plowing into me at full speed before going off the side of the road and driving on the shoulder so he could get in front of the truck that was in front of me (all while talking on his cell phone). Honks were exchanged. Hands waved frantically. And this is what I saw. One can only wonder why a cop would be parked, on a curve, right in the middle of the 155/74 interchange, lights flashing, taking his sweet time sitting there doing… nothing at all. Nevermind the near pileup of vehicles. Forget that traffic was crawling by at 4 mph. He had some intimidating to do.
Part of me wonders whether or not these people are actually to blame. I ponder whetherPeoria is just some sort of cosmic gravitational nexus of incompetence and it’s energies of absent-minded stupidity flows through all who dare to enter. Sure couldn’t tell by reading the news.