Dumb. Ass. Fundies. That answer your question?

Really though. These people are so intent on spreading their narrow version of Christianity that they forget to actually, y’know, act like a Christian. One of the biggest mysteries of fundamentalist thinking is that voting Republican and maintaining a neo-conservative philosophy somehow equates to Christ-like behavior.

The Republican Party has been getting the Fundamentalist vote for years. I could attempt to make them look like total loons by acting as if there’s some big mystery behind the phenomenon, “who knows why they would ever vote for a Republican considering x, y and z.” But I know why and so do you.

Abortion is the number one reason why fundies choose the Republican Party. They see it as killing innocent babies. As a Humanist, I agree that abortion is an ugly thing, something we should acknowledge with shame. Also, from a Humanist perspective, I believe that if there are means by which to end or avert human suffering, we ought not dispose of them. In my opinion, the largest loss stemming from the practice of birth-control abortion is the sacrifice of responsibility on the altar of hedonism. Moreso, there are certain instances when even a fundie can justify the procedure. Suffice it to say, I understand why this is an issue and, you should know, I typically refuse to take part in abortion discussions and rarely state my opinions on it because I do not see it as a morally black-and-white issue.

Second to abortion is the issue of Gay Marriage, which is really a non-issue since nobody is requiring a church’s blessing in creating a civil union, which makes it a civil rights issue instead of a religious one–and, now that I think about it, really makes the phrase “gay marriage” sort of a misnomer, doesn’t it. Thus, we can conclude, the only reason they’re still against it is because of bigotry, not the sanctity of their Religion. Otherwise they’d be pressing to make Islam and Hinduism and all other “false religions” illegal, since “Thou shalt have no other gods before me.” This one is pretty black and white.

(Yes, I realize that they both worship the same god. Fundies may not be aware of it, but even ones that do know that Yahweh, Jehovah and Allah are all the same guy, they typically won’t admit it and denounce Allah as false. DAF.)

Two issues keep the fundie vote in the GOP. Of course, like most issues that are pivotal for the politically naive, these are little more than campaign platforms to be re-elected on. Rarely do you see any of these “pro life/sanctity of marriage” candidates actively pursuing the issues which got them elected.

There are a few bible verses that one could use to justify their pro-life stance based on their religion. Civil Unions, on the other hand, aren’t mentioned. All the good book really has to say about homosexuality is “don’t be gay.”

Now let’s take a look at all the reasons why fundamentalists shouldn’t support the Republican party. Who wants to make bets on whether there are more reasons to vote against them?

“It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to enter into the kingdom of God.” - Mark 10:25

The bible mentions that Jesus is a consistent supporter of the poor. When it comes to who gets into heaven, he clearly states that the rich are less likely than the poor and yet… fundies still vote Republican. The GOP has consistently been the party of the wealthy and the party of big business. They have been consistent in anti-worker, anti-poor policies and tax cuts which give the top 5% earners disproportionately large breaks when they don’t need the extra money in the first place–they’re already friggin rich! And Republicans, good Christian Republicans, attempt to block any legislation that benefits the other 95% of society if it threatens to cut into the profits of the upper crust.

“And when thou prayest, thou shalt not be as the hypocrites are: for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and in the corners of the streets, that they may be seen of men. Verily I say unto you, They have their reward.” - Matthew 6:5

If fundies interpret the bible as literally as possible, why do televangelists continue to prosper, and why do “Christian values” politicians who pray in public and make a show out of their faith continue to get elected? In a previous Fundie Week entry, one commenter complained on being challenged on her faith, even though she confessed it. I characterized it as a holy pissing contest. Jesus says: “Ye who try to out-holy thy neighbor, fuck thee off.”

Maybe he didn’t put it that way, but he did make it pretty clear that there is not to be competition in this area. There might be an exception when it comes to doing good deeds for the sake of doing them.

The most compelling argument against Christian Republicanism originates from a familiar Christian saying: What Would Jesus Do? So fundies, I’m going to wrap this up with a list of things you ought to ask yourself before going to the polls this November. Ready?

Torture: WWJD?
Pre-emptive War: WWJD?
Driving people into poverty while the rich prosper: WWJD?
Ignoring the needs of the poor: WWJD?
Death penalty: WWJD?
Jailing people without trial: WWJD?
Lying: WWJD?
Guns: WWJD?

Abortion: WWJD?
Gay Marriage WWJD?

That’s 8 out of 10 questions that, when answered according to biblical teachings, would compel a Christian to vote Democrat, not Republican. Does anybody still wonder why I think fundies are dumbasses?