Ingredient: A Dash of Relief

The primary season is finally over! Thanks Hillary for saying you’ll support Barack Obama. You’ve run an incredibly bitter and negative campaign, and liberals everywhere thank you for aiming your cannons across the aisle for a change. Please, don’t play the veepstakes. That small percentage of extremely vocal and stunningly obnoxious supporters who say they’ll vote for McCain are now saying they wouldn’t vote for Obama even if you were on the ticket. They’re the weak-minded morons I have repeatedly described, and the Republicans are playing them like a fiddle. So please, let it go.

Yeah, yeah, party unity. I’m not interested in prolonging the division, but after running the kind of ruthless, cutthroat operation we’ve suffered over the last 4 months (let’s face it, February was when things turned ugly), she’s the one who need to make amends and redeem herself. To be honest, I hope she does. She could be a great asset to the Party and the country, but first she needs to lick her wounds and swallow her pride. Additionally, any Obama supporters who start pouring salt on said wounds by gloating should throw themselves off a bridge, right now.

Ingredient: A Healthy Smattering of Sleaze

I’ve got to hand it to the Republicans, who are proving to be every bit as stubborn and tenacious as the Clinton campaign was. I mean, seriously: internet trolls? That’s their strategy? It makes sense that the only thing they have to rely on are smear tactics, spreading rumors and subterfuge (let’s not be coy, they’re frauds). What else can they use? They set the standard for epic failure on issues like policy and record, and they know it.

For all you Vonsters and Dittoheads out there who believe Limbaugh’s crap that “the Democrats gave us McCain,” as justification for your fraudulent little campaign, read the “frauds” link. It wasn’t us who gave you John McCain. Sans Michigan and Florida, we were too busy making sure our favorite got the Democratic nomination to bother with foiling your plans. Maybe what Limbaugh and his followers have failed to realize is that they’ve become irrelevant. They failed to realize that they, not the “liberals,” are the problem and people are sick of their shit. They might have a few reasons to be bitter.

In short, the Republicans are going to lose because they deserve to lose. Cry about it somewhere else.

Ingredient - Road Rage.

I’m expanding my targets of gas price-related anger. Instead of focusing on a few, I’m going to spread my anger evenly on all those responsible, including the oil companies, the speculators, the GOP and the ones I get to deal with most, BFV drivers.

Big. Fuckin’. Vehicle.

Nothing bothers me more than seeing a BFV capable of hauling steel beams to a construction site in the bed of the truck, yet not have a single scratch on it. Why does this bother me? They don’t fucking need it! Get a car. Get a smaller truck, hell, get a Chevy Blazer. They drive well, they’re spacious, the gas mileage is better, and you don’t look cartoonish getting in or out of one. The bottom line: if you don’t use a truck for work, don’t buy a goddamn work truck, dumbass.

Then there are the BFV drivers who have no courtesy or regard for others on the road. As I sit here trying to imagine the elitist attitude and sense of entitlement of those who would purchase one of these things, I can’t what is going through the mind of one of these miscreants as they pull into a gas station and neglect to pull into the far end of the pumps, thus forcing you to go around them, missing the pump they should have used because of the width of the turn you had to make due to the unnecessary size of their vehicle.

I got to experience this last night, and for the last time, I swear. The cocksucker in the drivers seat, naturally, was the only one riding in their 10 mpg vehicle. Great. They come out wearing nicely tailored garments undoubtedly made from linens skillfully crafted at the hands of a 7 year old working in a garage-turned-factory on the outskirts of Calcutta. I finished pumping gas and went inside to pay.

After waiting in line for about five minutes, the same shithead cuts in front of me in line. I responded with a booming voice that wasn’t quite a yell, but designed to be loud and imposing,”EXCUSE ME I WAS STANDING IN LINE FIRST,” then stepped in front of them. If the fucker would have said anything, I’d have been more than happy to give them a pipe wrench polish on their BFV as soon as I stepped out the door. Assholes.

When they’re not cutting me off, trying to hit me or doing something completely rude, my encounters with BFV’s and their owners tend to be benign. When gas is at $4/gallon, the economy is in the shitter, our illegal invasion is going terrible and the asshole in the BFV has a GOP election sticker on their bumper, I tend to get a little less friendly.

Most of the time when I see someone driving a BFV, I simply think,”Nice SUV. Sorry about your penis.”

As an aside, can anyone tell my why the fuck there are so many Impala’s on the road? I can’t drive for 5 minutes without seeing the ugly ass-end of one of these things staring me in the face.

Ingredient: 1 lb of Satisfaction

After running the most positive campaign I can recall, Barack Obama came out swinging in the GE. Now the crybaby pisspants Republicans are whining about it by calling him a hypocrite. Why? Because it’s “politics as usual” and “negative campaigning.”

Really? I haven’t seen any ad hominem by the Obama camp. I’ve seen some propagandistic comparisons to “Bush’s third term,” but nothing serious. In fact, almost every attack has to do with McCain’s stance on the issues and, by extension, calling his election Bush’s third term does a pretty good job at summing it up.

What the wingnuts are really saying is “you can’t attack us, period.” I can see why they’d adopt this attitude, considering how their shitty policies led us to an illegal war and an economic recession while letting companies run amok with little or no regulation and are thereby directly responsible for the fix we’re in.

They’re certainly not pulling any punches though. They’ve already called Obama a liar. Then there’s the internet trolls and his shameless speech last Tuesday, in which he criticized Obama’s proposals while repeatedly lying through his dentures. Ooh, a point-by-point with the transcript could be fun…

Ingredient: Republicans are fucking scary.

It seems the average Conservative is still excessively bad at making a case for… well, for anything, really. Take, for instance, your average dittohead troll:

It’s the same old spill from liberal bloggers. They are blinded to the facts. Obama is not a reliable candidate. He has not even finished his term at present. Do you think if there were a higher office he would quit the presidency to run for it? There is not a higher office in America. Maybe they do agree with his voting record, as short as it is. To associate MCcain with the klan is completely ignorant on their behalf. His record shows bipartisan efforts. Obama’s does not. McCain’s past shows strong leadership and reform. Obama’s does not. Of course it does not matter to the leftist. They will continue to attack based on their biased,bigotted forum.

This is an excellent example of what I’m referring to. The have a penchant for making broad-based, absolute statements. They state them as if they were set in stone, factual and unchanging. What’s terrifying about it is that they never question themselves. They say what, but they never, ever, ever say why. “They are blinded to the facts.” How? “Obama is not a reliable candidate. He has not even finished his term at present.” Why does that make him unreliable? “Do you think if there were a higher office he would quit the presidency to run for it?” Moot question, implications appeal to ones ignorance rather than their reason. “There is not a higher office in America.” No shit? Was this written by a fourth grader? There is one higher office you Cons recognize: CEO. “Maybe they do agree with his voting record, as short as it is.” Who agrees? Are you talking about this voting record? John McCain has his share of No Votes too, buddy.

The rest of it is just too goofy to mention. Obama, for instance, had a reputation for getting the other side involved at the state level. McCain, if you read the news, has turned out to be a political wind vane. Whichever way the wind is blowing, especially around an election, John McCain is sure to follow.

This, I think, is why I want to be an educator, especially at the college level. Maybe, just maybe I can lead someone to reason before they become assimilated. At the very least, it would be a victory to get someone to reason with themselves to at least express why they think that way, instead of just presenting their opinion to the world. Saying why you think someone is a communist is worth far more than simply stating that you think they’re a communist. Better still is to logically demonstrate how your reasons are valid. Not a single one of the conservative dipshits who’ve left comments on my blog have done this, but I’d shake the hand of one who finally does.

The sad thing is, this comment was one of the better ones! Blows ol’ Vonster right out of the water. Sure, it reads like it was written by a third grader, but at least the person was trying.